Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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