drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
