I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
