I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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