Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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