4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Will you blow on my dice?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
