just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
