hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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