So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
