So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
