if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
