somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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