coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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