do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
