On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
