I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
