Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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