you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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