Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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