Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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