I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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