I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize