just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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