I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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