Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
