I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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