Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
