Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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