So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
