Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
