Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
