I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
