Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
