Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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