either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's great music for shaving your balls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
