well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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