Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
