At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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