you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
