I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
