Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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