M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
