THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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