Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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