Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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