what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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