I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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