im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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