I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
