So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
