she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
