we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize