I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
