If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
