And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize