Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize