Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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