Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
